mega-trip report: Salvia
mega-trip reportWednesday, September 23rd, 2020SALVIA EXTRACT X20 TRIP:I tried salvia tonight, I mean really tried it this time. Last time I got some I was afraid to do it and only took one tiny little puff and concluded it didn’t work. This time I aggressively hit that sh*t at least a dozen times and totally blasted off. Of course I read all the trip reports online first so I’d know what to expect. A lot of them said it brought them to a whole other world, and that they communed with wise, alien beings and all that kind of thing, but my first experience was nothing like that. I recall everything was wobbly. Everything was alive and exuding its own life force. Everything was moving around. Colors and the outlines of everything were very sharp and well defined. I had my laptop open on the table before me, and all the profile pictures on Facebook looked like little windows with the people in them looking out at me. The 3-D effect was amazing! The people were all smiling and moving around in their little windows. I then went to Deviantart and had a little trouble logging into my account, but I finally did and looked at my art in 3-D for a bit. If there was writing in the picture it seemed to be floating above the picture. I remember liking my own pictures although they appeared to me a little stiff and crude, but pleasantly imaginative. I can’t describe it, the experience had elements of mushrooms, acid and mescaline, but it was completely different from all three of them. At times it took me to a familiar place, Cartoon Land. The Flintstones particularly. I’ve had the same kind of delusion on acid at least once that I recall. I guess I watched the Flintstones a lot as a kid and it left an impression on me. I- I can’t really explain it. LOLOf course the experience was kind of ruined near the end because I was becoming consciously aware of being trapped by Satanic forces.To be honest there wasn’t really all that much to it so I don’t have a lot to say. While peaking there was something about being picked up in a big bundle of palm trees with stuff spilling out of the sides. I was in the way and Fred and Barney (under Wilma’s supervision) were trying to work around me to stuff the palm-tree bundle into the back of a modern, enclosed truck and I got caught up in the works. For some reason I thought it was Friday or Saturday night, and I kept saying “yabba-dabba do!” a lot. LOL! I don’t know, the whole thing was beyond words. There was a lot going on but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I just mostly got vague, yet rather involved impressions.This post seems rather incomplete and I’m half tempted to do a little more just so I’d be able to share further impressions, but I don’t think I will. When I do it again I’ll just make another post. It doesn’t last too long and I’m undecided whether that’s a good or a bad thing. Only went on for about a half hour for me. Although most of the reports I read stated they had horrible, nightmarish experiences on it, mine wasn’t bad at all, which is pretty remarkable when you take into consideration all the terrible things going on in my life. I suppose I should try drawing on it. That’s definitely what I would have done if I did it back when I was artistically active. Well, I can try but I’m so out of practice I’m afraid my efforts may prove disappointing.CARTOON SPIRITUALITY:Thursday, September 24th, 2020Did salvia a couple more times today. The first time I was determined to get the full effect so I packed the bowl tight and hit it hard and held it in for 45 seconds. I then remember being in my great grandfather’s back yard, only we were enclosed by chain-link fences (his yard was enclosed by brick walls, though there were a couple of chain-link fences in it) while he was behind me twirling a jump rope around me like an egg-beater, though there was no one holding the other end in front of me. My impression was he was powering a whirlpool of cosmic interference, opening a sort of porthole to the next world for me. I felt trapped in the maelstrom but felt I didn’t belong in it so I struggled to get out. I remember falling out on the right side.I remember there were lots of creatures or little people everywhere. This seemed normal and didn’t bother me at all. To me they seemed like little cowboys, miniature versions of the old corn pops guy from the old Saturday morning kid’s cartoon commercials. I don’t know why I seem to be going back to when I was four or five years old in these trips. Playing on the green lawn in the backyard, my great grandfather, the Flintstones, and old breakfast cereal commercials from my early childhood. I think this TV business may have began when I was six so maybe it’s my mind’s way of trying to escape it? I really don’t know when it started though. It may have been going on my entire life.I came to on the easy chair in the living room. When I reviewed the videotape I saw that after smoking the bowl I went into a sort of trance and after almost a minute I fell over on my right side, landed on the chair next to me, passed out for a few minutes, fell on the floor then crawled into the recliner chair. I seem to recall it was quite a struggle for me to perform that series of tasks, I felt I needed to get away from that whirlpool of psychic energy. Afterward the thought occurred to me that I might have had a near death experience since there was a dead relative, an energy funnel and I was unconscious for a bit, but this was salvia so there’s no way it could possibly have killed me. The twirling egg-beater jump rope was obviously my awareness of the ceiling fan running behind my back.Of course, I felt, I had done too much, so I determined to do it again after an hour or two and to do half of what I did the last time. I was trying to get it just right.This time I felt a heavy energy crawling up my arms into my neck and my hands felt like they had lead in them. I felt all over very heavy though it seemed concentrated on my left side. I remember saying to myself,”I feel like an elephant walking on skinny little giraffe legs”.Then I became aware of those little breakfast cereal mascots lassoing me with little energy vortex lassos, trying to drag me to the ground. I noticed they always pulled me to the left. One thing I noticed about this stuff right away is whenever I peaked I felt I was surrounded by little people. They weren’t actually people, but some kind of entities, possibly spirits, angels or demons, though I didn’t get the impression that they were particularly good or evil.I just had a horrid thought, what if all those breakfast cereal mascots with their energy vortex lassos pulling me towards the left were actually imps trying to rope me in and hold me down and drag me to damnation? I felt the room was full of them. They were playful entities but I feel they may have been up to no good. Though Satan himself is a supremely hostile entity it’s my impression his imps (demons) are playful creatures, even while doing his work. Interesting that when I did fall I fell to the right. I suppose this was because I was consciously countering their leftward pulling. Also, in light of this, I find it interesting that most of my injuries have occurred on the left side of my body.Though I admit the experience gets progressively more interesting every time I do it I think I’ll take a break for a while.OVERWHELMED BY SALVIA:Friday, September 25th, 2020 I wasn’t sure I should do it again so soon and I hesitated for hours. Spent a lot of time writing because I’ve actually been thinking clearer since I began this experiment. Finally, a little after noon I just recklessly went ahead and plowed over my misgivings and took the plunge anyway.I did it once. At first I was totally overwhelmed by it, but managed to maintain consciousness. Again, I was on a breakfast trip for some reason.Everything was being cut to pieces by the razor-wire jump-rope vortex, even time and space. They were cutting it up like baloney to feed their families for breakfast. (Why am I on such a breakfast kick? What does it mean?) Even though it was my time and space being cut up, they had no intention of sharing it with me. “Breakfast! Morning’s all done, for everybody but me”, I said. Again it was the ceiling fan imposing itself on my consciousness that created this delusion.I also remember that the room I was in tasted exactly like the inside of my mouth. No, I didn’t lick it or anything, I was tasting it with my soul, or maybe my mind (I brush and floss at least twice a day, just for the record).“No. This is my breakfast!”, I remember saying to them. “Get your horses out of here, frogs too, and get your skull off the floor while you’re at it”, then, “Everything’s alive, you’re alive too. Why are you alive?… I don’t understand any of this. Chopping everything up into little pieces. Making something for all your kids, I don’t get it. Explain this to me!… Get down from your horse. That’s not very intimidating, just stop it!”Then I proceeded to have a lengthy conversation with the television people, the ones making my show. I thought it was amusing and clever, but, of course, since I was actually by myself nothing was resolved, but it was fun to watch on the tape I made of it.“I’m still kind of like in the wild west though. I really don’t know why, but I am. I’m fixated on a western theme for some reason. Not a real western theme, kind of like a kid’s TV show 1950s kind of western thing, cartoon of the wild west and stuff like that. It’s really weird. Yeah, so YEE haw. Ride’um cowboy. Giddy yap, Ya know what I mean?”.“Party, party, party till you explode. Till you implode. Till you evaporate or fall into little tiny pieces and get swept away”.I felt I was having a conversation with the entities, so it wasn’t like a proper trip. I was trying to talk to those beings hoping to make sense out of the chaos of the trip. The beings represented things that were actually happening. They represented things that were going on in my life. “Those things were embodied in those beings. I wonder if that’s how your mind works? Like everything you interface with has a personality and you have to figure out how to interact with it. I dunno. You get feelings and impressions from things and people, and, ummm… It’s hard to know a lot of times whether you are understanding things or just trying to force them into some semblance of sense that’s not really inherent or innate in them but that just makes a kind of sense to you”.I must have talked for over an hour. It was a real talky trip this time. I think that was my way of trying to control it. It seems to have worked, too. I actually had an okay time. This stuff seems to stay with me. Not so much mentally, but physically. I’ve felt real heavy for the past couple days. That’s something I’ve not heard any body else talk about.Saturday, September 26th, 2020LAST HURRAH:Well, I think this is the last trip I’ll take on this stuff for awhile. I can’t remember hardly any of it, and what little I do remember doesn’t make any sense. The video tapes were terrible so I deleted them. I basically lost consciousness, walked around like a zombie, knocked a bunch of stuff over and passed out. I guess it’s just not working anymore. The romance is over. Time to go our separate ways. It’s been fun and I’ll always remember it, but it’s over. Good byeI seem to recall the entities were doing things in my home that didn’t concern me and that I couldn’t understand. Just as well since they didn’t want me involved anyway. They were squeezing me into a smaller and smaller place as they took over. It took all my strength to push my way out and force a passage to where I wanted to go. I was overcoming them and fortunately the trip ended and they all disappeared.Good bye all you little creeps!SALVIA REVISITED:This is my second extended trip report concerning the legal hallucinogenic Salvia Divinorum. I originally stopped documenting my salvia experiences when they stopped being fun, but I admit I kept experimenting for a bit until all the trips became agonizingly repetitious. I'd take the hit, start coming up, then feel myself being slowly pushed down. Down to the ground. It was like I was being subjugated by some invisible and belligerent force. The rest of the trip continued along in the same vein. No matter what time it really was, to me, it was always early morning just after sunrise when the world was just starting to stir. I felt these entities were taking over my home and excluding me from it. The identity of these entities would not suffer itself to be exposed, all I knew was they thought my existence was a nuisance. At first, they seemed somewhat hostile towards me, then they seemed to treat me with a callous disregard, then, finally they didn't seem to mind me so much, and although they were taking over they condescended to leave me some room in which to move around, but not enough. This ongoing struggle for territory in the astral plane just got tiresome after a while, so I stopped messing with it. It no longer interested me.Well, I figure enough time has passed, nine months, and hopefully my mind-scape has changed significantly where I'll have a new and different experience. Let's hope so.Tuesday, June 8th, 2012 11:11pmOkay, so, I packed the bowl tight and took a big, healthy rip. After exhaling, I immediately felt those cosmic jaws closing on me like a vice, crushing my soul between their powerful, relentless teeth. Forcing me down to the bottom of some ultramundane mouth of some kind, where I was chewed up, brutally torn to pieces by the jagged and monstrous dental furniture.No "playful entities" this time. None of that "Bright, Spring Morning" bullshit either, just the existential sadism of reality closing in on me. It was overwhelming, but again, it's always overwhelming. That's one of the defining characteristics of this stuff, that it temporarily both staggers and shatters the intellect with its crippling ferocity. I then said, "I'm getting crushed down again. I hate this getting crushed down all the time. Don't crush me, now stop it. You're crushing me down, this is ridiculous... (unintelligible)". At this point I closed my eyes, clasped my hands in front of me, bowed my head and occasionally grunted for a few minutes. Then I opened my eyes and put my hands up as if in surprise and mumbled some incoherent nonsense. I then repositioned myself on the couch and looked around me, troubled and bewildered, mumbling and grumbling in perplexed undertones. I remember what was going on while I was doing all this. I was fighting against the big bite, combatting the crush. Between the bad sound quality of the video camera and my slurred speech, I couldn't understand what I said next, but then I sat up and packed another bowl, " It's called...it's called, umm.... What's it called?", I was saying as I was packing the bowl, I was desperately trying to remember what what I was smoking was called. "It's called, it's called, umm... What's this stuff called?! WHAT'S IT CALLED?!! WHAT'S IT F*CKING CALLED, ALL RIGHT?! SALVIA! God-damn it. It's fucking called salvia, stop it!" I then finished packing the bowl and fired it up. After I exhaled, I said, "It's called salvia, right. It's no big deal, it's just salvia". I remember it was important that I remembered its name, feeling that as long as I at least knew what it was called I had some sort of power, or control over it. "Salvia. It's called salvia" I then got up and left the room. I returned two minutes later, saying, "How weird was that? I got ripped in half all the way to the other side of the apartment (?). That's weird. Every time I take the trip, you gotta shred me? That the deal? Why?"I obviously couldn't get over the spiritual violence of this drug. It puzzled me down to the core of my being. 'Torn in half all the way across the room'? "Whoa. D-Did you see that? I don't get cut in half, I get savagely ripped in half! Do they always have to be so violent every time they do it? They always have to crush me or rip me up or something. Tear me. Squish me, squash me. Rend me apart. I don't understand it. It's no fun, but what are you gonna do? It's always excruciating. Ripped my guts out. Always squishing my guts out. At least it's not morning anymore"."This violence is f*cked. Very violent and very unnecessary, but very much a part of the whole ritual. Maybe they mean to rebuild me afterward? Make me something better? But they crush me up and rip me in half. Why do they do that to me? My soul isn't made of iron, you know. I feel like some snail, like some slug. Like I'm made from some mollusk-like material that's fragile. Fragile, like all flesh. Rip me apart, but I grow back afterward. The injuries are only temporary. They're very violent and very painful, but only in a spiritual kind of way, not physically.I felt it's like a snail when it gets hurt, how it sucks itself in then pushes itself back out again. At least that's how it feels. Okay, this is how it feels, like poking a snail with a stick. It sucks itself back into it's shell, LOL, then it's eyes slowly extend back out and peek around the shell making sure it's safe, then it pushes the rest of itself back out. Then you poke him back in again. Not that I'd do that, I'm just kidding. Anyway, he gets all physically distorted and messed up looking, but he always pops back into his original shape, I guess that's my point. No real harm done, yet I've read that salvia frequently inspires suicides, so there's that.Geeze. Crazy, huh? It's crazy. It's just crazy". Then I grabbed an envelope and on the back drew a fairy clown pirouetting on a flower as it juggled planets.Wednesday, June 9th, 2021 11:50 pm"Okay, lets try this again, see how it goes", I said as I sat down on the couch. I then packed the bowl and took the hit. Once again, I was becoming aware of that all too familiar oppression. "The cosmic cycle is turning. That giant wheel is going to crush me again". Once more I felt the huge, karmic wheel, the spiraling hub of samsara rolling over me and my getting crushed and tangled up in its gears, but this time I decided not to focus on that despite how unforgivably colossal and ruthless the experience always is. It reminds me of some of the near-death experiences I've read about. Seems it's just an unfortunate preliminary one has to endure just to get to where one wants to go, like the prefatory nausea and vomiting that initiates a peyote trip. Yes, it's decidedly unpleasant, but it shouldn't be your main focus, though it can be hard not to obsess over it since its so traumatic.Then I began rambling and mumbling a lot of stuff in hushed tones and half whispers, most of which I can't understand except for random words, but a few times I did hear myself state, "...there's nobody here". I remember sensing that I was surrounded by conscious entities that were aware of me. I'm pretty sure they were sentient, otherworldly beings and not simply the people watching the hidden cameras in my home. At this point, I got up and started walking around my space, animatedly conversing with myself. What I was saying, though indecipherable for the most part, was frequently punctuated with, "What are you talking about? There's nobody here!", or, "It's your imagination. I'm here all by myself. It's just me here, stop it".I went on in this vain, "This is my trip. There's nobody else here. I'm not doing it for you or any of your friends, just me. It's only me". Then I picked up a sketchpad and started to draw. But I couldn't remember how to draw, and I couldn't think of anything to draw. Frustrating though it was, I was enjoying the process of drawing like a small child who simply takes delight in mark making. After 15 or 20 minutes of drawing, I had depicted a very distorted circus scene and a picture of someone operating an anthropomorphic crawling vehicle with huge levers. I need to practice drawing more. This is depressing.That's all for today. Not much of a trip. Sorry.
Ron-Tweedie